


Some Ideas

by purpleeyesandbowties



Category: Wolf 359 (Radio)
Genre: M/M, i fell into heiffel hell, kind of fluff kind of crack, mild implied sexual content?, post ep 33, there are no excuses for this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-28
Updated: 2016-04-28
Packaged: 2018-06-04 23:23:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,912
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6680074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/purpleeyesandbowties/pseuds/purpleeyesandbowties
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Operation Super Secret Totally Not Decima Research is a go</p>
            </blockquote>





	Some Ideas

Doug paced—floated—back and forth in front of Hilbert’s room. He’d been out there for almost ten minutes, trying to make up his mind on whether or not he actually wanted to go in. Their conversation from earlier kept replaying itself in his head. He compulsively stroked the one fingernail that had grown back completely—his left thumb. Did the virus really heal him? Would it keep healing him without Hilbert’s experimentation?

Doug’s decision was made for him when Hilbert’s door swung open and he found himself face to face with the scientist himself. He looked terrible, if Doug were being honest. His eyes were bloodshot, the bags under them more prominent than usual.

“Oh,” Hilbert said. “Did not expect to see you. Sir.”

The last word dripped with contempt and Doug winced. “About that, doc. I was hoping that we could talk?”

“Have nothing to discuss with you, Eiffel,” Hilbert said and made to move past him.

“Wait, listen!” Doug said, grabbing Hilbert’s wrist. Hilbert glared at him. Doug dropped his wrist.

“What?” Hilbert growled.

Doug glanced around. “Not here.”

Hilbert heaved a sigh and wordlessly gestured to his quarters. Doug gave him an awkward thumbs-up and followed him into the room.

“What,” Hilbert said again, once they were safely inside.

“Hey, doc, nice room! I love what you’ve done with the place. No really, is that a new paint color? Or maybe you rearranged. Or, I know! You—”

“Stop stalling, Eiffel.”

Doug sighed. “Alright fine.” He shook his head. “I can’t believe I’m saying this—and Minkowski would kill me if she knew I was doing this! I swear she almost cried when she heard…”

Doug saw the look on Hilbert’s face and hurried on.

“Anyway, I wanted to ask you if you…I can’t believe these words are coming from me,” he muttered to himself. Then, to an increasingly annoyed Hilbert, he said, “I was wondering if you wanted to keep experimenting. With Decima. On me.”

Silence. Cautiously, Hilbert said, “You are wearing wire? Kepler sent you to do this, yes? Test my obedience to his demands.”

“What? No!” Doug exclaimed. Hilbert frowned skeptically.

“I swear! I’m acting on my own, I promise. No one knows I’m here.”

“Why? If I even believe story of yours, why would you let experimentation continue?” Hilbert asked.

Doug glanced around the room. “Did I mention I like what you’ve done with the décor? Because it is simply inspired, doctor! I mean—”

He cut himself off. “Sorry. It’s just so hard to make myself say it. But I. I know how important Decima is to you. I know you need it to save Olga. And I need it, too, if it really is healing me. So. I was thinking we could….secretly continue to work on it.”

When Hilbert stayed silent, Doug continued.

“It’d be completely secret of course. No one knows but me and you. And Hera, but she won’t tell.”

“And I’m not happy about it,” Hera said. “But I trust Officer Eiffel to do the right thing, even if that means trusting you by extension. But believe me, Doctor Hilbert, I will not hesitate to drain the oxygen from your quarters if you do anything he doesn’t agree to.”

Finally, Hilbert said cautiously, “Am going to check you for wire now.”

Doug threw up his hands. “Whatever!”

He endured the quick pat-down and pushed away from Hilbert as soon as he was done.

“Satisfied?” he asked.

“Adequately,” Hilbert said. He rubbed his chin, thinking. “If we do this, must make some preparations. Set up secret lab in quarters. Will be done in two days.”

“Okay, cool,” said Doug. “I’ll see you in two days then, great talk, see you later!”

The door slammed shut behind him. Hilbert gazed at the closed door, eyes narrowed in thought. It would be difficult to conceal from Kepler and the other crew members but the Decima project was finally showing results. He was not going to waste this opportunity.

\--

Two weeks into Operation Super Secret Totally Not Decima Research (name curtsey of Douglas Eiffel), both Doug and Hilbert had settled into a sort of routine. Mostly Doug just showed up to Hilbert’s quarters after Kepler’s ridiculous curfew went to effect, let Hilbert stick him with needles and take samples and mutter in Russian for an hour. The first few days were spent in terse silence, but after a while Doug got bored and started talking. Hilbert was in a surprisingly good mood most of the time (probably happy that he could experiment to his heart’s content while simultaneously stickin’ it to Kepler’s dumb ass (and Doug could relate to one of those things)) and sometimes even talked back. Somehow, they had reverted back to how they were pre-Christmas disaster. Less threatening, more teasing. Hilbert actually had a sense of humor hidden under all those layers of stiff, focused, and evil.

 Maybe it was the secrecy of their work forcing them to bond, or maybe Doug had finally decided to—forgive was a strong word, but he understood why Hilbert had done what he had. It was shady as hell and there was a goddamn body count to show for it but, well. Doug knew what the threat of losing someone you love could make a reasonable person stoop to. So, no, he didn’t forgive Hilbert for what he had done, but he did move on. They had a common enemy now, and a common cause. It was close enough to a friendship to be comfortable.

 Doug swung his legs absently from the chair he was strapped to, watching the slow suction of his blood flow into a test tube.

 “So anyway, that’s the story of how I got banned from two public pools and a library in the same day,” he finished proudly. That was one of his best stories and he was gratified to see Hilbert smothering a smile.

“Doc, I had no idea your face could do that!” he said. Hilbert rolled his eyes, removing the vial of blood and placing it in an incubator.

“Eiffel, that is last sample I need tonight. You are free to—”

“Officer Eiffel!” Hera said urgently. They both jumped, forgetting that she was there (she was always there). “Kepler’s coming!”

“What—shit, where is he?” Doug asked, keeping his voice low.

“Not far, just down the hall. Officer Eiffel, you have to hide! Now!”

“Can’t you distract him?” Doug asked desperately, scrabbling at the restraints strapping him to the chair. Why did they have to be so damn _complicated?_

“I tried! He thinks something’s up. Hurry!”

“No time to hide,” Hilbert said, tossing all the medical equipment into a nearby drawer and slamming it shut.

“If he catches us disobeying his direct orders, he’ll kill us! And probably not in a metaphorical way!” Doug hissed.

“Do something!” Hilbert said.

“ _You_ do something! _I can’t move_! Do something, do _anything_!”

“Fine. You ask for this,” Hilbert said, and that was the only warning Doug had before he had a lapful of Russian scientist mashing their lips together. He jerked back in surprise, but Hilbert’s hand caught his head before it could hit the back of the chair. He hauled Doug back in and kissed him again, harder, and two seconds later, the door slammed open.

“Gentlemen, do you know what happens when subordinate officers disobey their—oh my god,” Kepler said, stopping dead in surprise. Hilbert disengaged from Doug, managing to look a suitable combination of annoyed and embarrassed. Doug, for his part, was consumed with trying to remember how to breathe.

“Sir,” Hilbert said. “Did not expect to see you.”

“Obviously.” Kepler said. He paused, something like amusement crossing his face. “You do know that sexual relations between crew members are prohibited during mission duration. It was in the manual.”

“Manual that you and Jacobi read, yes?” Hilbert said. Doug watched the blood drain from Kepler’s face with interest.

“I don’t know what you’re implying, doctor,” Kepler said, straightening his sleeve cuffs in the closest thing to a nervous gesture Doug had ever seen from him.

“Then I do not know what you saw,” Hilbert returned. He sounded far too collected for a man sitting in the lap of another man. A man who had been kissing. A man who he had been kissing…very well. Like he knew what he was doing.

Doug shook his head, banishing that line of thought. _Nope._

Kepler fixed Hilbert with a deadly glare. “I really don’t know what you’re trying to imply about myself and Officer Jacobi, but I assure you—”

“Seven days ago. Observatory deck. What was it? ‘Just a quick one, no one will know?’ Sir?”

Doug stared at Hilbert, suddenly filled with the crazy urge to kiss him again. Kepler narrowed his eyes. “You have no way to—”

“Hera?”

“I do have the video files from that night, sir,” Hera said, sounding very much like she’d like to kill Hilbert for dragging her into this.

Kepler took a deep breath. “Well. Gentlemen. It seems we can come to an agreement.”

“I won’t tell if you won’t tell?” Doug offered, finally managing to find his voice again. Kepler glared at him. He shrugged the best he could with his arms still full of Hilbert.

“This is your first and only warning,” Kepler said. “Don’t let me catch you two doing anything…indecent…ever again.”

“Same to you,” Doug said cheerfully. He waved as Kepler beat a hasty retreat. As soon as the door closed, Doug let out a sigh of relief.

“That was close.”

“Shush,” Hilbert said, leaning in towards Doug again. “Might be listening in hallway. Don’t say anything yet.”

“Right,” Doug said, suddenly hyper-aware of how close they were. After a long moment of uncomfortable prolonged eye contact, Hilbert got off Doug’s lap.

“Should be safe now,” he said. He undid the restraints on Doug’s chair and he gratefully stretched.

“Well, that was….fun?” Doug tried.

“Officer Eiffel, I apologize for doing anything you are not comfortable with.”

He studied Doug seriously, waiting for an answer. Doug, not ready to face whatever _feelings_ the unexpected kiss kicked up, did what he always did: tried to make a joke.

“You know, doc, I think we’re a little past that point. As long as you don’t kiss the other boys like that, we’re good.”

“No,” Hilbert said quietly. “Just you.”

“Um.” Doug said. _That_ was a loaded statement to examine another time. Probably. “Well, see you tomorrow night.”

“Perhaps we postpone next session. Need time to….evaluate samples.”

Doug saluted him awkwardly and headed back to his room to have some very intense heart-to-hearts with himself about….things.

\--

A week later, Jacobi bumped into Doug in the hallway outside Hilbert’s room. Wordlessly, he slipped something into his hand and walked away. Curiously, Doug held up the string of small plastic-wrapped squares and nearly dropped them.

“Condoms, really?” he groaned.

“Gave me them, too,” Hilbert said, holding up an identical package.

“What are we supposed to do with these?” Doug asked in exasperation.

“I have some ideas,” Hilbert muttered. Doug choked on air. Hilbert’s face turned red. “I mean—did not mean—”

“No,” Doug said, floating over to Hilbert and putting his hands on his shoulders. He’d done some internal reflection, some journaling (sue him, it helped him organize his thoughts), and given himself some time to think about it. “I’d like to hear those ideas, Alexander.”

**Author's Note:**

> thanks to roomfullofdaisies for the beta! any mistakes left are mine, not hers. im sadhipstercat, newly fallen into heiffel hell, come chat about it


End file.
